It is not you but your body which reacts after seeking info from the memory & understand the present situation by comparing with past
The Hush Post: Why do we feel anger? Anger has a lot do with thinking. We think of a rule broken, a promise unfulfilled, anything going against expectations, a threat, or hiding of an emotion. As soon as someone shouts at you or gives you an angry look or you see some wrong happening to you or your loved ones, you seethe in anger.
You must realise, its not you, but your body which is responding, even before you think the consequences of your actions. A small organ amygdala in your brain gets activated. It releases hormones, adrenaline and testosterone which are responsible for fear-based aggression. The amygdala also tries to judge whether a current situation is hazardous, it compares that situation with your collection of past memories. If the present situation is even vaguely similar–the sound of a voice, the expression on a face–the amygdala instantaneously lets loose its warning sirens and an accompanying emotional explosion. Even vague similarities can triggers fear signals in the brain, alerting you of a threat.
Another part of the brain, situated in the forehead, the prefrontal cortex is also activated by the anger trigger. This part of the brain is responsible for decision-making and reasoning, making sure you don’t react irrationally to the situation.
The time between getting angry and the more measured response from the prefrontal cortex is less than two seconds. This would explain why we are told to count one to ten or breathe deep in anger.
As you become angry your body’s muscles tense up. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter chemicals are released causing you to experience a burst of energy lasting up to several minutes. Hormones epinephrine and norepinephrine lead to the increase in blood pressure, an accelerated heart rate, and faster breathing. Your heart muscles contract and your blood vessels constrict.
It is widely accepted that men and women feel anger differently. In women, anger builds up slowly which takes time to diffuse. The men describe the feeling as a fire raging initially which eases quickly. Studies say this is because men have a larger amygdala than women, and this is also one of the reasons why a man is statistically more likely to be aggressive than a woman.
What can you do
You can actually reprogram yourself with meditation, but it’s not easy. You can learn with meditation how to choose not to respond immediately. When angry, wait a little while before responding.
Never ignore the anger, but use the waiting part to say out loud: “I am angry, because…” This helps activate the rational parts of the brain again.
Humour counters anger. Force yourself to make a joke about it, if you can.
You can think of someone who would be proud of you for responding this way. Maybe a parent, spouse or yourself.
Do not dwell in negative thought about the incident later, you’ll be reprogramming yourself the wrong way again.